Christmas Carols from the Caribbean
by jaqueline-littlebird
Summary: Some piratethemed songs for the season. Bad poetry warning applies. I would love to have some reasonably positive reviews nonetheless it's Christmas time after all. Rated for death and some language.
1. slap him well

**Disclaimer:** See below. The song isn't mine either.

_Murtogg:_ These characters are under copyright by Walt Disney.  
_Authoress:_ I'm terribly sorry, I didn't know. If I see him, I shall inform you immediately.  
_Jack: _Apparently there's some sort of a high toned and fancy sequel being filmed, eh? How could it be that two supporting characters such as yourselves did not merit an invitation?  
_Murtogg:_ Someone has to make sure PotC characters stay off limits to fangirls.  
_Jack:_ It's a fine goal to be sure but it seems to me that a… a fangirl like this makes no money anyway, really.  
_Murtogg:_ Ah, this song looks quite harmless, true enough, but there's no fan that can match the mouse for greed.  
_Mullroy:_ Oh, and no fangirl that's not possessed by the damned and inspired by a plotbunny so evil that hell itself spat it back out could possibly have a desire to take on the mouse, therefore couldn't be writing fanfiction.  
_Murtogg:_No.  
_Mullroy: _Like I said… there's no sane girl that would write this.  
_Murtogg:_ Hey! You! Get away from there.  
_Mullroy: _You don't have permission to write, Miss.  
_Authoress: _I'm sorry, it's just ... it's such a pretty plot – film.  
_Mullroy: _What's the purpose of this song here, my good girl?  
_Murtogg: _Yeah, and no lies.  
_Authoress: _Well, then, I confess. It is my intention to commandeer the characters, pick up plotbunnies in Tortuga, write, scribble, blunder, and otherwise let my weasely black fantasies out.

**Slap him well!**

Once my boat he stole  
in the dead of night  
now I've caught this fowl  
by his trinkets bright.  
Bells he'll soon hear ring  
I'll hit him left and right  
watch his head-adornments spin  
and celebrate tonight

Slap him well, slap him well  
strike him on the quay.  
Captain's head rocks to the side,  
dreadlocks spin away.  
Slap him well, slap him well  
strike him on the quay.  
Captain's head rocks to the side  
dreadlocks spin away

He will apologize  
and he'll make amends  
or I'll treat his face  
all day with my hands.  
Should also like to spank  
till his bum is hot  
red like father christmas' coat  
can't lie down in his cot

Slap him well, hard like hell,  
jingling, trinkets fly  
oh what fun it is to slap  
left, right, either way  
slap him well, hard like hell  
jingling, trinkets fly  
oh what fun it is to slap  
left, right, either way


	2. we wish you a lot of plunder

**Disclaimer:** PotC characters still belong to Disney although I did ask Father Christmas for them repeatedly.

**We wish you ... piratey Christmas**

We wish you a lot of plunder,  
we wish you a lot of plunder,  
we wish you a lot of plunder: swag for many a year.  
Fair winds and tides bring the gold of the king  
to pirates for Christmas, oh never you fear.

Oh let Jamie chase the Spanish,  
Oh let Jamie chase the Spanish,  
Oh let Jamie chase the Spanish , don't let him near here.

We won't go until we get rum.  
We won't go until we get rum,  
We won't go until we get rum; wine won't do, nor beer.


	3. silent night, pirate hunter style

**Disclaimer:**

_Governor Swann: _ Ah, the fangirl. Good to see you again.

_Authoress:_ Good day, sir. I have a new song here. Characters are Disney's still; there's no gold for me in it to handle. If I may? Gramatically challenged. The faults range nearly the full width of the English language.

_Governor Swann:_ Impressive, very impressive. Ah, now, Commodore Norrington is not going to be pleased with this. Do take that as a compliment and write faster.

_Authoress:_ I shall. A fangirl is always pleased to see her work appreciated.

**Commodore Norrington's Christmas carol**

Silent night. Future: bright.  
Pirate swings by first light.  
Watch, you citizen, mother and child,  
how he dances, the brigand so wild.  
Port Royal live in peace!  
Port Royal live in peace!


	4. Fairytale of the Caribbean

**Disclaimer:** PotC Characters belong to Disney. The original songtext on which this song is based is 'Fairytale of New York' by The Pogues and Kirsty McColl. I do not claim any copyright.

**Fairytale of Shipwreck Cove**

Will: It was Christmas Eve, Liz,

in the Locker,

Barbossa said to me:

'Won't see another one.'

And then he sang a song.

That silly pirate song.

I turned my face away

and dreamed about you.

Will: Look, I'm a lucky one,

Calypso let me run.

I've got a feeling

this year's for me and you.

So happy Christmas,

I love you, baby,

I can see a better time,

when all our dreams come true.

Elizabeth: I've got chests full of gold,

and adventures, behold,

but a pirate queen's life is no place for the old.

When you first took my hand in a dank ship's hold's cell,

you promised me love and that all would be well.

You were handsome

Will: You were pretty,

queen of Port Royal city,

when we both rescued Sparrow and prevented gore.

Norrington nearly grinning, all the Navvies were spinning,

we kissed in a corner and waited for more.

Both: The boys of the EITC are still bringing pirates down.

So a hempen necklace is their queen's fit crown.

Elizabeth: You're a monster, a squid.

Will: You're a selfish old git,

lying there in a bed with the worst of the scum.

Elizabeth: You mollusc tentacled, you cheap lousy faggot,

Happy Christmas your arse,

I pray God it's your last.

Will: I would have been a smith.

Elizabeth: Whom I'd have been with.

You took my dreams from me, when I first found you.

Will: I kept my distance, babe, I never bothered you,

can't make your dreams come true,

of brave adorable scoundrels.


	5. Murtogg the Redcoat Soldier

Disclaimer: still Disney's, sadly

**Murtogg the Redcoat Soldier**

Murtogg the redcoat soldier

had a bright red woollen coat.

And like his fellow soldiers

sailed on commodore's boat. (Ship!)

All of the other soldiers

used to call him not so bright.

But our brave dear Murtogg

beat pirates in every fight.

Then one Caribbean day

Sparrow came to say:

„Murtogg shed your coat so bright,

won't you sail the Pearl tonight?"

Then all the soldiers feared him.

Pirates shouted out with glee:

„Murtogg the former soldier

now drinks rum and he is free." (Yoho!)


	6. Wild Pirate

_Disclaimer:_ Not mine, no money made - neither PotC nor White Christmas.

* * *

I'm dreaming of a wild pirate,

just like the ones there in the books.

Where feathered hats flutter

and no blood 's to splutter.

A gentleman of sword and hooks.

.

Still dreaming of a wild pirate,

with every treasure map I write.

A carefree man, merry and bright.

And may he stay he stay here with me every night.


End file.
